Do I Trust God, or Not?

For the last week, or maybe even for this whole pandemic, I’ve been thinking a lot about trusting God. I don’t understand all of this....

Should we stay home or should we be free to do whatever we want?

Should I watch the news to be informed or throw my phone into a drawer and shield myself from all of it?

Should I keep working to rebuild my speaking business or find a new career all together?

Should I force my kids to get all their schoolwork done or do I choose grace and happiness over grades?

Should I keep eating vegan (I’ve been trying my darndest to be at least 80-90%) or should I throw in the towel and eat my feeling in cheese and cream sauces (I don’t miss meat, really. I crave all the cheese and cream sauces in the land!!)

Should I keep everyone on a schedule (ya’ll are rocking yours) or should be open to letting our lives be moment to moment since every other day of our lives is usually scheduled to the moment?

And then, here’s the big one, should I be fearful or should I have faith?

Some days I’m one and some days I’m the other. (Quite frankly, some moments I feel deep amounts of faith and others I want to stay in bed and not come out.)

But I know this: God has us.

He knows our heartaches and our anxieties.

He knows we want to go get a fountain soda or sit down in a restaurant or go to a movie - heck, i just want to hug people.

He also knows that my kids will remember this time for the rest of their lives. They’ll remember home church and simple sacrament services. They’ll remember our game scoreboard and who one the most games (I’m in LAST place). They’ll remember our regular walks and spending HOURS outside. They’ll remember forts and staying up late and sleeping on the couches and that I made French bread (they will, won’t they?!?).

I’m hopeful things lighten up this week. And I’m hopeful that my new normal includes some of life pre-corona and some of my life post-corona.

And for whatever place in between, I’m going to smile. I’ll tell God all the things I’m grateful for, cry out for Jesus for those moments I’m in tears and then I’m going to wait and trust some more. I’m not always this hope minded. But this week God is working on my trust in His timetable AND His way of doing things. And that’s enough for me.

At least tonight.