Tears of Joy and Gratitude

I wrote this last fathers day and I am thinking about the amazing men that have been in my life again today.  

I had a hard time with this year's Father's Day. I didn't cry or anything, but I had so many thoughts running through my head.

On the plus, It was a wonderful day celebrating my husband and being with my kids. Nothing in this world makes me prouder than watching my husband be a dad. My kids follow him around and want to be with him all day.

And church today was amazing. There were some amazing speakers and I was filled. In retrospect I see it as a gift. I needed that spiritual strength. Thank you, Jeni McCoard.

On the other hand, my dad passed away 12 years ago and I missed him a lot today. He's never held my kids or seen me speak professionally. He was a cheerleader, and a thinker. A challenger and a dreamer. A big hearted humanitarian and was completely happy living a simple life. He was far away a lot of my growing up years, but I always knew he loved me fiercely. He sent me letters and pictures, called on the phone and took us for every weekend he could. I spent way too much time of today wishing he was here and thinking of all he's missed.

He passed away before digital cameras and the pictures I have of him are few and far between. There are only a few with both of us in them and I couldn't find even one today. So here, dear dad, I celebrate you through Facebook, something I'm sure you would have hated, but endured for your kids.

See, life moves on. Some of us have amazing fathers, some among us never had one. Some have amazing husbands and some have never married. At the end of this day I also acknowledge great men in my life who were divinely placed where and when my dad wasn't. And I acknowledge a Heavenly Father who knew exactly what I needed and when I needed it. As mixed up as our life may seem, it all makes perfect sense to God and I'm grateful for that knowledge today.

Now I'm crying. Almost made it to midnight. ‪#‎tearsofjoyandgratitude