My Father Died of SARS and Now I'm Living Through COVID-19
My father passed away from SARS 17 years ago today. Here are some thoughts that have been rolling in my mind this week, and an invitation.
While I write this, I’m coughing. Unsure if I have COVID-19 or caught something else while keeping stringent social distancing rules. 🤷🏻♀️ But I have very few of the other top symptoms, so I’m hopeful.
That’s not what I want to say today. I had big plans to make a video and share some thoughts with you, but my voice is raspy, and if I’m being honest I didn’t want to put on real clothes and do my hair. 😂
I hope that doesn’t diminish the thoughts on my heart. Because I’m choosing to write them and not speak them is the true showing of how much this has pressed on me. Speaking is 1,000 times easier than writing for me. Just like takeout is 1,000 times easier than deciding what to make for dinner (and my cooking brain is exhausted)!
We live in a weird world. If someone had told me at the beginning of the year that I’d have a role in a disaster movie and that March and April would feel like a year in and of themselves, I wouldn’t have believed them.
I also wouldn’t have believed them if they told me that even before this, I’d have some deep challenges. Or that in addition, I would lose all of my speaking business 5 days flat. But I guess that was necessary so that I could be the teacher and the lunch lady (and the breakfast lady and dinner lady) as well as the janitor and mom at the same time. I needed my schedule cleared. ✔️
People ask me if having my father die of SARS has me look at all of this differently. Perhaps. I don’t know it any other way. If anything, at the beginning I thought this was simply a problem to be impacted overseas. My dad passed away while working in China and then there were very few cases in North America. When it hit our borders I took it seriously. I never once thought actions taken were “too much” and I appreciate every effort made “out of an abundance of caution.”
That said, I’m having a hard time adjusting to the new normal. In 24 hours time I was told my kids aren’t going to school and I can’t go to church anymore. At first it was kind of exciting. Aside from worshiping with friends of my faith, I’m not sure if I miss going to get soda or going to the movies more. 🥤🎥
I will say I’m exhausted. I’m tired. I’ve been the cruise director and full time chef for over 3 weeks. On top of all of it, I’m the mental health manager for everyone under my roof, and at times I can’t be that because I have to put my own face mask on first. We’re doing fine. Really. I’m fine. I’m learning about resiliency in a whole new way. But it’s hard and it’s hard for ALL of us.
There’s a lot to say - and I promise I’m closing soon and the invitation is coming...
I know we’re all going through this differently. We may be sick, know people who have been sick or who have passed or maybe we’re dealing with the consequences of challenged economies. I’m thinking of you and whatever your circumstances as your names cross my feed I know this is reaching you in some way or another.
Here’s what I know:
I believe in God. I believe that He’s aware of all that we are dealing with- individually and collectively. And I believe that one of the many lessons (and there are MANY) in all of this is that for the first time in forever every human on the planet has a common cause. I’ve said from the beginning of this that if nothing else, this will bring us closer to each other and hopefully, closer to Him.
I don’t know your faith story and there is ZERO judgment from me and who or what you believe in.
That said, I believe in humanity and I believe that when we come together miracles can happen. I miss human interaction so dearly and I’m strengthened by every good deed and self-less act I see.
I’m sometimes crippled that I can’t do more (i have cried more than once about the amazing health care workers who walk “into the fire”, at the same time I’m running away from it) to help in this crazy crisis. But now there IS something I can do.
I’m joining with people from all different faiths and religions tomorrow. We’ve eaten dinner, and we won’t eat again until dinner tomorrow. If you’re health allows, I would invite you to join us in a fast for this wrinkle in our lives.
If your health doesn’t allow a 24 hour abstaining of food and water, would you consider a social media fast or giving up something else you enjoy?
In addition to giving up “food, glorious food” (cue Oliver Soundtrack) we’re praying for four specific outcomes:
- Caregivers will be protected.
- The pandemic will be controlled.
- The economy will be strengthened.
- And life will be normalized.
Even if you simply added this to your prayers tomorrow, I know we can see and witness miracles in our own homes and in the world. Imagine us all thinking of the positive end to this, instead of the fearful unknown?
No pressure, of course. I honor where you are and invite you to choose in or out with all the love in my heart.
Last year I did a deep study of spiritual gifts. I’m far from understanding all that there is to know, but my knowledge of the gift of faith, gifts of healing and gifts of working mighty miracles are running through my mind.
I personally can’t heal COVID-19. But I KNOW that if we come together, we can witness miracles. Mighty ones. Maybe even ones we’re not fasting for.
I know the greatest miracle happens in my heart when I make a humble offering. Perhaps what’s needed most is for our collective fear to be changed to a collective faith that this won’t last forever and that our efforts are seen.
I can’t wait til we can all see each other and hug again. I can’t wait til I can leave my house and go out to eat. I can’t wait for life to be “normalized”. Whether that’s tomorrow or next month or even next year. I don’t think I will be able to ever be normal again. I’m different. I think I we all all.
We’re in this together. Fellow humans. Brothers and sisters. Together.
As your sister, I want you to know that I know that God and Jesus have been my refuge. I am sometimes thrilled that I’ve made it this far (AND I’ve even kept on my eating plan - if that’s not a miracle, I don’t know what is 🙌). I know God is at the center of all of it and I’m grateful for the spirit I have felt through this.
“We didn’t come this far to only come this far.” - Holland
I’ve thought about being sad today. I miss my dad every day. He wasn’t there when I got married and he hasn’t been here to see me raise my kids. I miss our deep conversations and I miss what could have been. And I know that many people right now are losing loved ones to COVID-19 and I know what they’re missing out on.
But I know God had us. All of us. He may have pushed pause on what we thought, but I love this time to re-evaluate my life and when things are unpaused I get to write the next chapter of my movie as you’ll get to write yours.
To miracles!