Silent Retreat

It wasn't until I was driving up to Heber that it hit me.  Silent retreat = no cell phones.  I had packed earbuds, decided which conference talks and podcasts I was going to listen to, and I was set for a day of silent thinking and learning.

Silent meant silent.  Not just me.

I'm not gonna lie, I was terrified.  I LOVE WORDS and I love to talk, but something deep down also craved peace, revelation and a break from the noise and busyness.

The first hour dragged by.  I prayed, I meditated for 20 minutes, I read scriptures and my patriarchal blessing and then I fretted wondering if I was going to be able to make it FOUR. MORE. HOURS.

Kelly encouraged up to switch our locations so I left the dreamy master bedroom and headed upstairs to the dark and cozy theater room.  I feel asleep for a few minutes and then wondered if I was going to get any revelation or insights to what was next for me as I go into 2020.

I had the thought, "What did 2019 teach you?"

Then I started to write. I had this idea to write 100 things that I was grateful for from 2019.  It seemed lofty, but I thought I'll just go until I run out of ideas.  Surprisingly I had NO problems coming up with 100 things taught to me.  It's a list that has become a treasure. 

2019 wasn't the easiest.

In many ways it was one of the best.  Best business growth with the most time off spent with the people I love.  Best for spiritual growth and development.  Best for friendships and connections.  Best for trusting myself.

But the challenges were HARD.  I won't bore you...

However I celebrated the 100 things - 2019 gave me a lot of life and lessons (turning 40 is no joke).

That list took some time and then we ate a delicious lunch.  Silently.  I was surrounded by amazing women and I couldn't ask about their life or their experience - excruciating. 

By the time lunch was over, I had less than 2 hours left and I started to mourn it's completion before it came. 

I spent the last 90 minutes asking God questions and getting snippets of answers and insights.  It wasn't a full download, but there was one lesson I kept feeling over and over:

Michelle, spend more time just like this. 

I haven't scheduled my next silent retreat but I've been spending more time in the temple, more time thinking after prayer and more time allowing silence in my car instead of the constant stream of podcasts and audio books (I actually just finished the October 2019 conference talks - and I'm kind of sad it's all over. I'm also listening to Saints - have you dived into that yet? I'm really enjoying it - more than I thought I would)

2020 for me is about more peace and spiritual connection and I'm thrilled that this silent retreat reminded me to quiet my mind and connect with God a little more.