Reflections on Scripture Study
I still feel like I’m white knuckling it on a roller coaster. Not like the nostalgic kind on a pier overlooking a beautiful ocean, but the kind that is indoors in the dark and you can’t anticipate the drops or turns and you feel like you’re hanging onto your head with one hand and the bar with the other.
Life is weird. I find comfort and strength in these pages. I find light in the darkness. Partially because I’m doing my best to be obedient and I want to be able to call on those blessings, and partially because I find peace and hope in the words and promises.
Hold the rod.
Seek the word.
Sometimes my schedules get off, and I forget for a few days and wonder why my life feels completely out of control, and then I remember there is a simple activity that helps me put everything in perspective.
I remember as a mom with young kids the only time I had to read the Scriptures was listening to them in the shower. I felt guilty I couldn’t do more, but I would fall asleep when I tried to read. I remember one time through a tearful prayer asking God for forgiveness, and I felt like He said “I accept your offering.”
As my kids grew and became more independent and went to school, my routines could shift and I could hold physical pages and highlight passages that meant some thing to me.
My whole family has been home so much more over the last 18 months and I have struggled with routines and even found myself frustrated at times, because I wasn’t doing more (who has really had consecutive quiet moments to themselves?!?).
However I have found that God never speaks to me with shame or guilt. Satan does. And he’s a jerk. While I know there is always room for improvement, I think God accepts our offering, and acknowledges all we CAN do. When you can study more and dive deep into a subject, do. When your eyelids are droopy and you forgot until the last minute of the day, a column or two still counts.
And sometimes I pray and ask what kind of debris I can remove as we were invited to do by President Nelson, so that I can spend more time in these pages and in the temple.
He shows me every time.