Unexpected Tears - Reminders of My Mission & Purpose

Oh dear. I hope Jason will forgive me for putting him next to me like this but it has to be done.

I cried twice today.

This morning I dropped my two kids off to school for the first day of both of them being gone all day. I had expected to skip all the way home and be crazy productive. I didn't expect a flood of emotions that landed me into a puddle. For almost two hours.  It wasn't pretty.  In an instant I realized that this milestone meant that I no longer have babies at home. It meant I was closing a chapter and opening a new one. And it's a chapter I don't want closed. I want more children. Something I have prayed for more times than I can count. I didn't expect the sadness of this realization to consume me this morning, but it did.  Even now, hours later the tears are threatening to return. A friend asked me how I was doing this morning and and I snapped this picture.  (Why I'm sharing this basket case escapes me...)

I'll be fine. I'm sure I'll love it and we all know I have plenty to do. In fact I've been boasting to friends, "Just wait until you see what I can do with my kids in school!"

I'd rather be home with my kids any day than speaking on a stage, I have always known this. And while it looks like I did a lot there are hundreds of times I said, "No." Because I was saying "Yes" to my children. And I will forever treasure that chapter in my life.  And I'm more committed to honoring every stage of their life and not hurrying through who they are becoming and who we are when were together. Parenthood is an eternal game. And today I was reminded in full force of how important that role is in the life of my children.  I will stay the course. Heartache and all.

The second time I teared up? Tonight listening to this guy talk about the speaking business. He talked about answering the mission to speak that comes from our Creator. A call I have felt and heard many times and that I've been responding to slowly and surely through these last 8 years. A call that keeps me focused on my events, my books, my products and my speaking engagements for what little time I DID have while I had littles at home.  It's a call I can't explain well to the people in my life who haven't experienced the same thing. They call me crazy. And perhaps that's why I love my National Speakers Association Family so much. They get me and they support me in what feels like an impossible call at times.

On a day when I wondered why I do what I do Jason saved me tonight. While nothing will fill the void that my kids (had and wanted) will fill, I'm keeping this promise and I'm so grateful that he shared something that prepared me to open the next chapter in my life. 

Make that 3 times.

And whatever you're called to do, I'll share a portion of Jason's comments tonight..."You're next. It's a matter of keeping a promise to yourself. Allow consistency to meet congruence on and off the stage." - Jason Hewlett

Originally written and shared socially on August 17, 2016